So okay, about a year ago, a bird was flying around in our basement, which is attached to our garage, so it’s like no big mystery how it got in there.
But then I was all paranoid and stated asking Zoo questions like, what color was the bird? What color was the bird exactly? Because I had to figure out if it was an omen of death.
He wasn’t all that helpful, and got tired of me showing him googled pictures of birds and asking, does this look like the bird?
I finally decided it didn’t count at all since it didn’t come in through a window, but rather, an open garage door and then a door. Maybe.
The woodpecker came a few months later, drumming the shit out of our wooden shed. And then I think that same summer, a bird flew directly at my head. Seriously, if I didn’t duck, I probably would have died. Or been hurt. Or…something.
Anyway, so the other night I tell Zoo, a bird flew into me again.
Zoo: What do you mean, again?
Steph: It happened last year too.
Zoo: Something is really wrong with you.
Steph: With me, or the birds?
Zoo:
So anyway, the sparrow flew through the openings of a wrought iron fence around the patio into my thigh and I screamed and brushed at it and touched it because it happened so fast I really didn’t know what it was. And the sparrow was on the ground looking at me and kind of fluttered its wing and then it flew away. Like, the bird might’ve been giving me the bird. Gus, the incredible bird dog, did nothing. Because he’s a bird dog who does not notice birds at all. Seriously – he’ll walk into his pen and the birds sit on the ground waiting for him and then they fly into his face and scare him, and he runs back to me all freaked out.
I’m wondering if the bird wanted to attack me. Or if maybe I’m invisible to birds? Or maybe I have the power of invisibility and it just turns on at weird times? Like when I’m around birds? Or maybe the birds are working with the spiders and the crickets? There are so many possibilities.
Anyway, I went inside and asked my mother if I was going to die of bird flu. Wondered if I should change my pants. Because, hi, a bird just flew into me.
Her response? Wash your hands really well.
Has this ever happened to you? I mean, it doesn’t seem to have happened to anyone in the world because I googled things like, what does it mean if birds keep flying into you? and came up with nothing.
I was pretending it meant something good but then I found out some jackhole used my address to register their car and had to call the police. So right now, if I had to say, a bird flying into your thigh means someone is going to use your home address to register their 94 Impala.
New York Times Bestselling author Stephanie Tyler writes what she loves to read — romantic suspense novels starring military heroes and paranormal romance novels novels starring warrior heroes, all complete with happy endings. Her alter-ego is 
Ok love your sense of humor and frankly am flabbergasted at the repeated bird attacks….lol
I have read that birds can be attracted to specific colors. If it was brown or black they’d be flying into me all the time. Do you prefer a specific color?
Judie, black, brown and gray for sure are my colors – I do believe I was wearing black yoga pants the other day…maybe the sparrow thought I was part of the fence? LOL!
I’ve had some freaky bird encounters to. A few years ago my husband,daughter and i were going camping,my daughter,who was around 7 at the time,needed the washroom,so we stop and I get out to take her to the outhouse.Bamm!! I got hit right in the back of the head by this HUGE hawk,no lie,the thing was a monster,broke the skin on my head,after my husband made sure I was all right he started laughing so hard tears were rolling!!
A few years later we’re again on holidays on Vancouver Island,I’m sitting enjoying the most beautiful veiw of the ocean and my husband starts shouting watch out!! I look up and there are 3 Bald Eagles circling high above my head,looking for all the world like they’re going to dive bomb me!! I realised they were looking at our dog, a 3 pd.hairless Chihauhau,thinking supper!!
I’m thinking someones telling me to stay home!!lol
Jacquie, I’m not sure you and I should ever meet in person…at least not at an outdoor event *ggg*
I have some GREAT news for you…you’re not alone!!! I have had 2 birds fly down the chimney of my house, (yeah…not so many trees around; think they’re looking for one), and 2 have flown into the open window of my car. One was while I was at a stoplight, and the other while I was on the highway going under a bridge. I’m pretty sure either in a previous life I did something to the Queen bird, or the little bastards just don’t like me.
Rest assured…they’re not just after you!!! LOL
*makes note to not meet Michelle outside either* Okay, through your car window?! I would have died…I thought it was bad when I found a spider running across my dashboard when I was on the parkway…
I can’t wait to tell my husbands that I’m not alone in this. I was thinking of wearing a helmet when I went outside from now on.
Mentioning the parkway made me remember a story. I was driving home on the interstate once when a flock of pigeons (no lie) flew up into the air suddenly and all headed towards my car. One bird “suicided” on my windshield directly above my face. The crack as he hit sounded like a gunshot and then he rolled/bounced across the top of my car and down the back like “bump, bump, bump, bang”. The whole thing scared the you-know-what out of me – it was hard to make it home At least the birds were still alive after your encounters. Be careful out there.
Tracy, OMG – that must’ve been terrifying! Holy mother, I guess my bird experiences have been tame. *looks up at sky* That is not a call to tempt fate, either…