The scene – my den, just before American Idol starts. Thanks to my superior spider seeking eyesight, I spot a spider trying to make a break for it across the ceiling molding.

Me: Zoo! Come kill the spider. And bring a chair. Because I know you’ll try to jump and grab it and it will fall on the floor and you’ll be all, I can’t find it now.

Zoo brings over chair, stands on it, reaches for spider and still manages to make it fall to the ground.

Me: You need to catch it or it will spend the rest of its days seeking revenge on those who wronged it! (What? You know you’d say the same thing if you were me.)

Zoo: Well, you’re the one who gave the execution orders, so I’m guessing you’re screwed.

The spider was never found last night. it could be anywhere. ANYWHERE!