« Back to Blog Home

manspeak & dolphin squeaks

So, remember this post?  Well, yesterday early morning (like 5AM early) Zoo says, “you know how we’re always like, I hope the boiler lasts?  It’s leaking.”

Me:  The boiler’s broken?

Zoo:  Right, the hot water heater.

Me:  *stares and wonders how that’s the same thing*  So it’s not the boiler?

Zoo:  No.  But it’s flooding in the basement a little.  Keep an eye on it.

Me:  *spending all day mopping up constant flood of water in said basement*

Cut to…

Plumber (later on that evening after replacing the water heater):  I know you said the boiler’s also doing something weird, but I didn’t hear any rattling.

Me:  It was doing it this afternoon.  And then, when I put the heat to 68 in another zone, this zone goes to 74.  And it’s the same zone that’s rattling.

Plumber:  Well, it’s this radiator that’s close to the thermostat that’s making that heat go up.

Me:  *trying to be logical* It’s been there for 6 years and that’s never happened.

Plumber:  *shrugs*

*Chinese food comes.  We have hot water.  No one cares*

Cut to…6AM this morning

Zoo:  Guess what’s leaking.

Me:  Hot water heater?

Zoo:  The boiler.

Me:  The boiler boiler?

Zoo: Yup. And there was this awful rattling sound…

Plumber:  I should’ve just slept here.  You need a new valve – it’s a 40 year old piece.  Oh, and there’s also this rattling in the boiler.  It’s because the zone pipe is corrupted.  That happens.  It happens because the water gets too hot…

Me:  And makes the heat go up ridiculously high.

Plumber:  Right.

Me:  It’s like, half the time when I speak, it’s dolphin sqeaks.

Plumber: *ignores me* These things happen in threes.

Me:  Thanks, Angel of Death, part 2 (because part 1 is my mother) – and this is the third thing.  Remember the giant leak in the tub upstairs two weeks ago that means we have to rip out the entire bathroom?

Plumber:  Oh, right.  Zoo yelled at me when I gave him the price for redoing the bathroom. *turns as he’s halfway out the door*  I’ve never seen a boiler pipe explode but check on it every couple of hours and call me if it happens.  Otherwise, I’ll be back later.

Me:

Because there are no words

10 thoughts on “manspeak & dolphin squeaks

  1. Huh, learn something new everyday–I thought water heater/boiler were the same thing! However, if you ever need to supplement your income, you could create a book of your conversations with Zoo. Maybe add Gus stories for extra fun!! ;-)

    • Catherine, I know! It’s all confusing b/c, at least in my house, it’s 2 separate pieces of equipment. But I guess boiler also counts for water heater? Maybe?

      All I know is that, in this house, they’re both on strike…and I might need that book of conversations for my money pit :)

  2. I laughed so hard reading this that my husband came to check on me. He asked me what was so funny, so I read him your entry.

    His response: Why didn’t she just turn the heat down? I don’t get it.

    My response: (more laughter)

    Maybe your next project should be a self-help book titled: Dolphin Speak: How to Effectively Communicate with the Men in Your Life.

    • Ha!!!

      And I did ask the plumber about turning it off – I swear! And I got a mumbled kind of, it’s going to keep leaking, and I was more thinking – EXPLOSION – but strangely enough this only worried me…

  3. Speaking as someone who is going thru a kitchen renovation (2 wks before Christmas…what was I thinking!?!?!?!?) and being home, I get to be here with the “manspeak”…I feel your pain.

    • OMG – I had to move out during mine. It was horrible! And I’m dreading my master bath redo…I hope yours is nearly done!

      My friend and I wanted to start a scholarship fund to help female contractors get started. Because then at least they could multi-task and I could understand what they were saying…

  4. LOL! This language barrier has to be one of those Men/Mars and Women/Venus things. How many times have I been in your shoes? Why isn’t there a translation app for this? Apple is missing a huge opportunity.

    Here in Texas, most people use natural gas for heat. When we smell leaks, the men in our lives either say, “Excuse me,” or know an explosion is imminent if they don’t prevent it. Gas and the female temper, both are combustible unless attended to so stand back!

  5. Oops! This is embarrassing, but somehow a phrase was left out of my post. That’s what I get for not previewing.It should have read:

    Here in Texas, most people use natural gas for heat. When we smell leaks, the men in our lives either say, “Excuse me,” or call the gas company. They know an explosion is imminent if they don’t prevent it. Gas and the female temper, both are combustible unless attended to so stand back!

Comments are closed.