Yeah, okay, so Zoo’s away (I think I just rhymed and I didn’t mean to, but it’s 5AM and I’m not really seeing straight anyway) and it’s been fine with the kid and the dog and stuff for the past few nights. And last night, the kid decided that she only needed to sleep for an hour and wake up and so I put Elmo on and settled in with an old Linda Howard for comfort because I hadn’t written all day and Linda Howard never fails to inspire me.
And Gus is all kind of running around and knocking his bed across the room for no reason and I finally get him settled on my bed where he procedes to squash my legs. The kid was already squashing me because we’re all together because Zoo’s away and I realize now that this is crazy on my end but it’s too late to change.
So then something catches my eye and I look up at the ceiling and there is a spider up there.
I’ll let that settle in for a moment. Because those of you who’ve been reading this blog for a while (or Writeminded) know that I cannot handle spiders or crickets. (Or butterflies, but that’s more of a gross me out thing and I could deal with a butterfly in the house, because even though it’s a worm with wings, I know it won’t kill me. ) But the crickets at least stay in the basement, while the spiders seem to feel they can have run of the house. I’m guessing the warm weather brought them all out of the woodwork.
So, it’s kind of right to the side of the bed – I can’t reach it. I can throw a shoe at it until it falls but it could fall on the bed and that wouldn’t be good.
And it’s staring at me. Black and white and tarantuala-sized.
Okay, maybe not that big. Maybe.
And I’m like, okay, I can do this…it will move away and I can live and let live and it won’t eat me while I sleep.
And THEN I look at the big light that hangs over the bed and there is ANOTHER spider, crawling around. It’s like a spider family reunion and Arachnophobia (which is a surprisingly funny movie) all at once.
I now realize I could die.
Gus, of course, is no help, as he has not even bothered to wake up and realize that we are in imminent danger. I think about texting Zoo and telling him to come home immediately, but figured by the time he got home from Florida it wouldn’t work in my favor. Of course, I did text him with a scream about spiders.
Anyway, so in a moment of brilliance (these do not come often, trust me) I race downstairs for the vacuum. I hate our vacuum – it’s a canister and a pain in the ass but I haul it up the stairs and turn it on and get close to ceiling spider. It knows it’s going to die and doesn’t try to fight the suction. The other one on the light is still running and romping and playing until it sees me with the hose – then it goes still and gets sucked into the void.
Of course, then I worry that they will escape at night and bring the rest of the spider family to my ceiling to kill me. I know they’re sitting in the vacuum bag, plotting. I’m totally going to need a new vacuum. And Zoo can’t ever leave the house again, unless he leaves behind someone to kill the spiders.
I’ll gladly give you some of my millions of asian ladybugs.. the one’s they brought in b/c there wasn’t enough of ours and promised they’d die the first winter… Laughs, sputters, chokes… OMG they are gross, they bite and squish them they stink.
BUT, they do eat spider and fly eggs living in my walls during the winter.
I haven’t dared emptied the central vac canister in the basement…. it’s just full of them and I have visions of them all flying out when I do….
Sheri, OMG, that is awful! I would pay someone to clean the canister for me…we had a swarm of regular ladybugs here one year and that was gross enough. They don’t scare me but man, they were everywhere…
Thank you for the chuckle. I don’t care for spiders either. Those big fat black juicy ones that are in the basement where I lift weights really make my skin crawl. Husband complained the other day about all the splotches on the basement walls….my response…to bad!
LOL, Viki – reminds me of the time I killed a spider on the ceiling of the bathroom by repeatedly throwing a shoe at it (and screaming)…Zoo came home and was like, should I even ask why there are sneaker prints on the ceiling?
I saw a spider last night too! Mine was on the wall but in a spot where I couldn’t kill it. Then it disappeared. Oops. I survived the night, however, so hopefully it knew it shouldn’t hang around in my bedroom too long.
And I hate those Asian beetles posing as ladybugs too!!! Horrible horrible things.
Tori, they were stalking us!!! I bet your spider is related to my spider reunion…I’d be careful because you know it’s still there, watching you…
I can live with spiders, ants–never!!!
Came down one morning, at 4:45 am (yes, AM) to go workout, Ants all over the kitchen. Didn’t make it to the gym that morning. Have to pull everything out/off, get rid of the ants then– use an entire can of Raid on the area, and surrounding areas, so they don’t come back. Until it rains for 3 days again, and they decide my house is the best place to be.
Ugh, Catherine, those sugar ants are the worst!!!
I’m quite impressed with the 4AM workout, though! That’s kind of awesome – and then you’re like done with it for the day…very smart…
I can’t live with spider or anything creepy crawly.. And like you have I have run for the vaccum more than once or a broom anything that lets me not touch this creature..
So you go girl.. Do what ever you have to do to get rid of the thing….
Kathleen, I’m so excited about the vacuum thing – it’s the first time I’ve used it for spider demolition
Except I’m still worried that the spiders are breeding somewhere inside of it…
I’m sorry Steph, but ROFL!
Man, I hope you got some sleep between the kid, Gus and the plotting spiders now holding a convention in your vac bag. As a side comment, I have a canister vacuum too and it is a PITA. *sigh*
However the Or butterflies, but that’s more of a gross me out thing and I could deal with a butterfly in the house, because even though it’s a worm with wings, I know it won’t kill me. OMG – I’ve never heard of anyone having a fear of butterflies for that reason! Truly.. LOL
My big fear is snakes – yikes – poisonous with long dripping fangs.. Ack..
Thanks for the Sunday morning laugh. Tell Zoo to change the vac bag when he gets home.
((hugs))
Lea, Zoo was laughing at me too. In kind of that mental patient way…
*g*
And yes, butterflies and wind chimes completely gross me out! Larissa threatens to send me both all the time….
Snakes I can handle. Well, not the poisonous kind crawling around where they can kill me or anything…
I’m a spider fan, I love all bugs actually – except cockroaches. (Anything that can live without its head and/or survive nuclear apocalypse is not to be trusted.)
I used to have a tarantula named “Tina.” You know, as in Tina Turner, ’cause she was all legs, haha? But, sadly, she died last year. It sounds crazy, but she made me interesting. Having an arachnid for a pet is a great conversation starter. Telling people of my snake (Fender) or my scorpion (Tank) seems to just turn people off to me all together. o_O
Tiffany, the Tina name is great, although I’d definitely be way more interested in the snake and the scorpion…
I’ve learned to live in peace with the spiders around here. As long as they don’t bother me. We have so many of them that it’s pointless to fear them. Again, as long as they don’t bother me. Once they enter my domain though, all bets are off and I’m forced to kill them. I’ve pretty much grown immune to them over the years I’ve lived here in Oklahoma and am now comfortable smashing the ones on the wall with my hand or stomping on the big ones on the floor with my shoe.
Now ants, on the other hand. The invasion of those suckers into my kitchen every summer……. Gah.
That’s exactly it – if they stay away from me, I’m okay…but when they stare down at me while I’m in bed, so not fun….
You’re lucky you don’t live in Australia. The spiders we get in the house here – huntsmen – ARE the size of tarantulas. Bigger than a hand sometimes.
I’ve had to get used to dealing with them because I’ve spent my whole life living with arachnophobias.
Ah, yeah, I mean people with arachnophobia. Forgive me – it’s after 2am the next day down here!
Sonya’s a night owl like me! That’s when the spiders come out…
Okay…I was laughing so hard reading your post because it sounds exactly like something I would do! I use the vacuum too, but after I suck the bug up into the vac, I have to leave the vac on for a good 10 minutes, because I’m afraid that it will try to crawl back out and attack me! I figure after 10 minutes the bug pretty much gives up and I’m safe…well, at least in my mind. One time I had to kill a bug in my bathroom that was so big, I could have put a saddle on the damn thing and went for a ride! Needless to say, I was home alone and luckly my big bottle of bathroom cleaner was still in the bathroom from earlier that day. I smashed the bug with the bottle and then left the bottle in the middle of the bathroom floor, with the smashed bug underneath it (just in case it came back to life, I didn’t want to make it easy to come after me!). I left a note on the bathroom door for my husband telling him about the monster under the bottle…and asked him to take care of it. Ahhh…the things we do for love, huh?
Oh, Yvonne, I didn’t think of leaving the vacuum on for longer to really keep them down…
I’ve done that with bugs – I slammed a cricked with a box of quick-crete and just left it there because OMG, squashed bug is almost as bad as alive bug…
Very funny post…you really should try spider repellent from a professional bug company..they will come out and spray your house- they even have eco friendly stuff- with a repellant that will discourage spiders from coming into your house. Also, the vacume cleaner was a good idea because you do want to make sure you get the egg sacks, you just need to change the bag afterwards and make sure to take it outside..just sayin…
Maria, you want to see me panic about the vacuum and the spiders plotting inside of it, don’t you? *g* I’ve asked my exterminators – they said it’s hard to spray for spiders…I’m going to have to ask them again because it’s totally that time of year. I know they use eco-friendly stuff for the little ants and crickets and some other little creatures that try to break into my house…
Stephanie you are a girly girl who writes gore and stuff! See that is what I can not do, calmly talk about people knifing someone, shooting them and all the bodily gore that comes from said injuries!!
Sitting here in the middle of the woods we live in cannot even begin to tell you how many species of spiders and other creepy crawly and or flying bugs we have. I do know will never be able to look at another “worm with wings” in quite the same way without chuckling at least.
Glad you got your canister vac out, good idea to have this used as valid excuse to buy a new vac now. Spideys hatch out in the 100′s so that tainted vac has to go, LOL!!!!
BTW came in from mowing my front yard which right now is full of crickets!!!!!
jackie
LOL Jackie, it’s true – I can write the gore but the thought of a crunching spider *shudders*
And at least your crickets stay outside – mine play tag in the basement with me and run AT me…
I had a terrible fear of spiders until I managed to get past it (having a daughter who loves all bugs was a form of aversion therapy, I think.) Still working on my total revulsion for cockroaches and silverfish, though.
A few years back our porch became infested with black widow spiders, which I had no problem at all exterminating. Our neighbors told us they probably came from an old woodpile left to rot on a property near ours, and after much nagging we convinced the owner to clean it up. We haven’t seen any since he did.
Although the cats usually catch and eat any bug that tries to infiltrate the house, I heard that house-type spiders supposedly don’t like the scent of citrus, and began regularly spraying our widowsills and door frames with a citrus oil-based air freshener-stain remover that has no chemicals and is harmless to pets and kids (it’s called Original Citrus, but I think it’s only sold in the south.) I don’t know if the thing about citrus is true, but I haven’t had one in the house since I started using the spray.
Black Widows? OMG – you’re brave. Very, very brave. I would’ve had to relocate.
I will wipe the windows down with oranges and lemons if I have to…because it certainly can’t hurt…I’m going to try to find the Original Citrus somewhere…
I completely agree with you on the bug prospect. Including the butterflies, which are too gross to touch, but I know that they won’t try to kill me in my sleep. Also, as a fellow arachniphobist, I feel the need to warn you; the spiders aren’t just going to find their friends. You see, there are 2 spiders, meaning that they have they possibility of making baby spiders that will escape and track down the descendants of those 2 spiders’ friends and amass a large horde of spiders that will come to attack. My personal recomendation is to move the vacuum outside (or if not that than the bag). Also, you should refrain from vacuuming any flies; babyfood comes in many forms.
All bug corpses immediatly leave the house although not because I honestly think the bugs will hunt me down if I don’t. I have a cat (+ dog) for that.
Butterflies. *shudders* They are gross – it’s the wings…*shudders again* Zoo wanted to plant a butterfly bush outside the house – to ATTRACT them. Why? Who would want this?
And yes, don’t think I don’t think of the future generations of both spiders and crickets who have a bounty on my head….
Gus eats flies. And bumblebees. *rolls eyes*
Well most bugs don’t bother me. But we have these jumping bugs that look almost prehistoric. THey look like a cross btw. a cockaroch and a preying manthis and they jump up in the air. When my cat was around she would chase them. These bugs I can stand they are too creepy. Hope your spider problem goes away.
Christine, I found a praying mantis outside my parents house a long time ago and nearly dropped from fear. My mom found it in the same spot again recently…it’s either the same one or there’s like, a family…
That bug you describes sounds like something I would prefer never to see. Ever…
ok you had me at the butterfly comment. LOL. I’ve never thought of them as worms with wings. I cant believe there is a butterfly bush you can plant. My kids LOVE butterflies-spiders not so much and they’re boys.
reese
Reese, there really is a butterfly bush – my mom has one.
I don’t go anywhere near it…
Stephanie-do not feel bad! My husband is the SAME way about spiders, between him and my mother-in-law, I’m the spider-killing queen! LOL But it works out ok, cause I’m not that bothered by spiders, but I DESPISE camel-crickets! My hubby is an electrician, so he’s used to squashing those, so he kills the camel-crickets, I kill the spiders. Plus we get those Horrid Palmetto-bugs too, the ones that look like giant roaches-Yuck! I’ve had one buzz me while trying to go to sleep, which completely freaked me out! Btw…quick thinking w/the vacuum!
Chandra, I think we have the camel-crickets – I think they’re the ones that run to attack me in my basement! And the palmetto bugs are gross…
the vacuum totally saved me!
Tina Turner will always be a legend in music history.*”~
Tina Turner offers a great vocal range and such powerful voice~~-
Get some fly killer, spray a little into the vacuum cleaner whilst it is on (not to much, you don’t want to make it wet, dangerous !) leave it for about half an hour, then any creepy crawlies that were in your vacuum cleaner bag will be dead. If you want to make sure, remove the bag and spray into the hole of the bag !